Happy?

Being human is interesting. I can be an extremely positive person. At times I can be incredibly excited about life and what I'm doing. When I'm in bed trying to sleep, my mind buzzes with creative ideas that (would obviously change my llife!!) and I become very thrilled and self-important, thinking I'm brilliant and I can do anything.
I love that feeling, but it never works out the way I envision. My ideas are usually much harder to do than I think, they don't work out the way I hope, or else I don't get around to finishing or making them happen. I can quixotic but in turn I can also be very pessimistic. In this blog I am usually in a positive animated mood when I create a post. I guess no matter who you are, there will be down times. It is amazing how good it feels to feel creative and positive. Yet, when I am depressed, its not that easy to jump out of it. I'll notice that I'm feeling awful, negative and moody, I'll think, Gee... this sucks, but I still can't climb right out of it, ironically self-pitty is almost  an addictive state even though it feels uncomfortable and exasperating. In that state nothing seems like it will work, creativity seems foolish, everything around you seems annoying. Emotions are interesting phenomena. The contemporary psychological theory of motivation suggests that we are primarily motivated by emotion. Humans are the only organisms which have such complex and self-consious emotions; guilt, pride, self-doubt, embarrassment, hopelessness. Often we don't even know why we are experiencing the emotions we're feeling. Sometimes we allow an emotion to exaggerate whatever small thing triggered the anger or despair.

 Some people have much more reason to cry, become disheartened or give up, yet we are all human. Even wealthy, healthy, fortunate people have volitive chemicals playing around in their brains. All humans have emotion and have sensitivities. All humans experience feeling stressed, disappointed, lonely and lost. It is important to recognize that no matter how rich or poor or powerful, we are all human, and for the most part we all feel pain. It is  tremendously  hard to have compassion for those who are arrogant, selfish and those who complain when they are so obviously privileged. I believe that all humans no matter who or where you come from desire happiness and those who are wealthy and  grandiose have just as much trouble finding true happiness and retaining it as do those struggling to make ends meet. We are in the same boat, the pompous jut don't realize that, "lasting happiness" cant be bought, embezzled or lobbied.

liFe iS oDd

How does the universe work? Not long ago I opened up to my boyfriend about some crazy theories I have. Some may not feel they are crazy but for those who are not in on the secret... Well, anyway I gave him a taste of the ideas and beliefs that I have come to hold. I said, you may not believe in a God, or greater power (he doesn't), but I think that Life works in a much more meaningful way then you realize. I think that life can bring you what you ask for. I think that things may happen not only by chance but for a reason. This of course brings up a whole load of questions. Why then do bad things happen, I didn't ask for terrible things to go wrong.

My boyfriend has bipolar disorder, of course the man I choose and am falling absolutely in love with has mental issues. I tell him if you were not so weird and odd, then you would never be able to keep up with me. Sure bipolar sucks but babe, if it weren't for that you wouldn't have become who you are today and I fell in love with who you are today. Yet, he still has a ways to go before he becomes as positive as me. This idea that life gave us gifts, that happenings may have reasons was hard for him to accept. I told him, I don't imagine that everything in life was meant to be for some personal reason, or maybe for any reason at all. Some things do just happen, its the law of nature, as one action happens a correlating response will automatically result. What I mean is that when we put out energy (the action) a correlating response will occur. Positive energy brings a positive response. Energy is a real and motivating force. Even in science we know matter cannot be destroyed yet it can change form, for example into energy. Energy can also change form back into matter. It is a cycle that is scientifically proven, yet we never imagine that it's a process human beings can use for our own benefit. Giving will result in others giving back to you. Hurting will result in your own pain. It's a kind of karma, but impersonal. Life is not deciding, "Joe, you were lazy at work today, and your taste in clothing sucks, I think I'll send you some bad luck." Also we cannot stop the results of other peoples thoughts and what energy they send out. Life or God if you believe in that sort of thing, do not decide it's time for a country to go bankrupt or a child to starve, or % of killings to rise, these are acts of human action and thought. We try to blame God or Life but if it were all up to him then we would have no free will at all. I do believe we can bring about positive occurrences just by a positive attitude but we still must choose to feel positive. We are all made up of energy when it comes down to it, us, matter, water, money, TV's... so is it really that hard to believe that energy can affect the way things interact with us. I feel I have brought many positive things (good grades, cheap car, job, my odd boyfriend, good parking spots) in to my life by being positive. My bipolar boyfriend was finally coming around to the issue, until he lost his job, got kicked out of his house, and caught my cold. Then he as many have before him uttered "why is this all happening to me, whats up with your universe!" I laughed, and said I don't know but its all going to work out. Sometimes I doubt my theory, maybe everything is just random and meaningless. But I'm probably right! Sometimes we can't see the big picture when we're standing so close to the obstacle in front of us, we cant see over or around it and begin to wonder if we can ever get past it... but if we just step back a bit the smaller the obstacle will seem and the way around it will soon become apparent. Sometimes we can only see the good after the situation has passed. And sometimes we just have to accept that we were putting out some negative energy which attracted more negativity. Struggling against what has already happened wont help, finding the positive is much more fun, even if my theory is BS. So here I am being positive for the both of us... sending out specific positive energy... I will place my order to Life from her catalogue of possibilities.

*My wonderful boyfriend, who is undoubtably a gift from life, will have great luck. Life is going to work out okay...beautifully. He has a new job, an excellent job that pays well, happens to be a good social setting, and gives good benefits. He has an awesome girlfriend who is totally HOT!! An't he lucky? He is living at home again (true). He smiles all the time now (he should, it makes him look much sexier). He is doing well in school and feels confident about life. He is going to get into Berkeley (duh!) I have high standards. I will find a new job (doesn't a girl deserve a bit more than min wage?), a perfect fit for me while I work hard and get impressive grades. Positive financial opportunities will open up for us (mmhmm!). Oh and I am returning to my perfect goal weight, old jeans I'll  get you out of my closet again ( I am a woman, of course that goes on the list). Thank you, Life. For all this and all the amazing things you have already provided me.