Life is quite excellent at teasing me, and damn it, she keeps tripping me up over my own words. Sometimes I think I have glimpsed some incredible realization, awareness, an epiphany of sorts. I have so many deep questions I want to ask, and for moments I think I'v found some answers but soon enough I forget these new found revelations or I become aware it is what most adults have been trying to get me to understand for years. Oh I get it, I don't have to let everyone around me dictate my mood! That is so profound! Oh so, Life isn't supposed to be fair!
I guess there are just some things that humans must relearn over and over with each generation. Our brains may have developed and our hight increased with the evolution of man, but we still must make our own mistakes, we still need life to hit us over the head with reality before we start to believe it. But I'v come to the conclusion (from all my deep questioning and from all that practice I'v had at living for my 18 years) that experience is the most wonderful thing on earth and may be the reason we are on this maddening planet anyway. If you don't experience you can't understand things at a deeper level or you simply can't understand them at all. Its that whole orange thing, if you have never tasted an orange, no description of an orange's taste can even come close to the pleasure of eating one (if you like oranges that is, if not then use the same metaphor with something else, to each his own), But you get the point. Someone can tell you something directly and clearly but to you they would sound like just another silly adult from the Peanuts comic (incomprehensible).
I can't stop laughing at myself for never failing to think I know so much more then I do, which is nothing. The first step in knowing everything is to first realize that you know nothing. I have no idea what that means, but at one point, in one of those moments of revelation, it had made perfect sense. So there you go, you have to experience it before you understand. "Im so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." - Oscar Wilde. I think...what I meant was that in order to learn everything, you must first be willing to know nothing (do some cleaning, move all your knowingness out) or else you will not have any place to put the everything you so desperately want to know. Does that make any more sense, who knows. In fact, I don't have many friends at the moment because I think I have scared away most of my peers with all of my nonsensical talking and musing. Do you believe in fate? Have you ever been suddenly happy for no reason at all, so happy you feel like you might have just fallen in love with Life, the world and everyone in it? The looks I get are enough to make me want to swallow my words and burst out laughing. I feel a bit insane but thats alright I tend to think people are much to sane, much to often.
Oh dear, I am not at all sure what this post is supposed to be about, Im sorry. I'll be sure to be more focused next time, but I have so much in my head sometimes it comes out a bit scattered.
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