a small dose of arrogant jerk

I just went to the doctors with my mother to see if she needs chemo. I am very pleased to say that she doesn't, though it took the doctor about a year to explain why chemo wouldn't be good in her case. I had Kimo once, but in my case, Kimo was a boy who left me crying on the floor, eating pumpkin pie and watching Friends, in an effort to console myself. I could say that I wished I never had Kimo, but I'd be lying. If not for him I would never have gotten so furious at his arrogance and the jerk he became right before dumping me, and I would never have decided my goal in life was to show him I was too good for the idiot anyway! It gave me quite a lot of motivation actually. -how to get motivated? I'd recommend a small dose of arrogant jerk, then a bit of hurt personal pride-. well I became a new person (literally) but what I really ended up discovering was that I had never felt good enough for myself, and that is what had to be changed. I would never be the driven, compelling, secure, silly and somewhat cynical girl I am today without him. This is where I came up with my theory to trust Life, no matter what painful or crazy situation she throws you into, it will be okay, and if your wiling to recognize this, it may even be for the best. I believe things happen for a reason, but sure, sometimes Im not too excited about the situation itself. For instance, my moms cancer, or Johnny not calling back after I confronted him about our kiss (he wasn't too crazy about being reprimanded, all he could say was he didn't understand why it was such a big deal!), or gaining 20 pounds in the last year (not to much fun either)... I wont go on because I'd rather talk about the happy things. I'm much to addicted to laughing to be pessimistic for to long, no matter how much I'd like to dwell in my misery at times.

My mom's cancer got me to stay in the state a month longer, it allowed me to spend halloween with my family. It tested my trust of life, of God (if you believe in that sort of thing) and my fear of death. In the hospital we met with a long lost relative who just happens to be in an awful marital situation, with tears in her eyes and no friends to turn to, and there we were; two smiling faces whom would stand by her no matter what. In the case of Johnny, well hell, at least I got to kiss a gorgeous asian, after a free dinner and coffee. And if we can get through the sticky situation, we'll only come out closer. The 20 pounds, well I was a 108 pounds before I gained the extra bit, and 5'7, so it didn't hurt much, especially since I enjoyed the cookies, ice cream and french toast (which were so helpful with the gaining) so much, and I actually don't mind that I have a butt once again.